Everything Has Changed
by SVUCSIWTRDOOLluver
Summary: I know Rafael/Olivia is not a hugely popular ship, but it seriously has me very intrigued and so this story was born! Basically this is the 14th and 15th seasons with a Barson backstory, and a few additions of course. First we begin with how their friendship evolves into something more. Enjoy! Chapter 10 is up!
1. All I Knew This Morning When I Woke

**Alright, I'll admit that lately, especially since the beginning of the 15****th**** season, I REALLY love Rafael Barba. He's seriously become my favorite character, besides Olivia of course. Anyway, that lead to me really loving a Rafael/Olivia relationship, and therefore this story was born!**

**This story is basically the storyline of the 14****th****/15****th**** seasons, with a Barson (that's the ship name I've heard Rafael/Olivia called, if you guys know anything different let me know!) backstory behind each episode. **

**So first I'll begin with how Barson got started! BTW the song that inspired this story is "Everything Has Changed" by Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran. **

**Enjoy!**

ADA Rafael Barba couldn't get Detective Olivia Benson out of his head, ever since his first encounter with her in the courtroom. Sure he insulted her with his cockiness and confidence more times than he could count, but that didn't mean anything. She was honestly the strongest woman he knew, and he respected the hell out of her.

He wasn't really sure when he'd begun thinking of her as more than just a work associate and more so like a friend. It might have been how impressed he was by her passion and instinct, especially when she'd found him in that little upscale bar. He had to admit she'd surprised him and nearly made him choke when he turned to see her leaning against the bar.

"_How did you find me?"_

"_I'm a trained detective, plus I could smell the scotch,"_

He appreciated their banter back and forth, normally he was the one with the sass and everyone else just took it, but Olivia Benson gave as good as she got.

"_Sit. Drink. Smile."_

Barba remembered his words, and he faintly remembered her muttering a very unflattering term aimed at him as she followed his instructions.

They were still professional, but he'd like to say they were more than just associates. He'd never admit it, but he'd like to think of them as friends.

What he didn't know was that Olivia felt the same way. He was an attractive man, but Olivia never allowed her thoughts to stray that way as they tended to. After Captain Harris pointed him out in the courtroom, Olivia was struck by just how attractive he was.

And then his smartass remark _"Bring your daughters to work day?"_ made her shake her head as he shook her hand. His brilliant smile made her smile back, and then they started to work together.

After the verdict had been delivered, she looked at him with a smile, and was surprised to find him looking back at her, almost as if he was awaiting her approval. She nodded to him with gratitude in her eyes, and the corners of his mouth lifted slightly in a faint smile as he nodded back.

The first time they ended up in a bar together was after the pop singer Mischa's case. When they were sitting in the squadroom watching the broadcast of the news of her death, Olivia's heart broke. Barba's jaw was set as they showed the memorial for the young singer, and fury flashed through everyone's eyes, including Amanda, Nick and Munch, at the sight of Caleb Bryant's picture, the man who murdered her.

Olivia was the first to take her leave, getting up and grabbing her coat. She strode out, and Nick went to go after her. "Leave her, Nick," Munch advised quietly, and Nick looked at him.

"She's never the first to leave," He said, as if that explained that something was obviously wrong.

"Well I don't know about you guys but I am in desperate need of a drink," Barba said hoarsely, adjusting his tie. "I'll see you all later," He said with a nod, and walked out.

Tonight he just told the cab driver to drop him off at a random bar he saw along the streets, ignoring his usual 'watering hole' so to speak. He just needed to forget that poor girl's face for a little while.

Imagine his surprise when he walked into the same bar that Olivia Benson was sitting at the bar, her head in her hands. "Detective," Barba said quietly when he jolted in shock at recognizing her.

"I suppose it's your turn to find me, hm?" Olivia said quietly, sipping her drink.

"In all actuality I just chose this place at random, I just wanted something different," Barba muttered as he ordered his own drink.

"Yeah, I get that," She sighed, swirling her drink around.

"Amaro wanted to go after you, said that you never leave first," Barba commented, and Olivia rolled her eyes.

"Whenever a case is tough, Cragen usually orders us home for the night at a certain time, and normally Nick's the first one out of there, or sometimes Amanda. Usually I'm the one that stays behind, making sure paperwork is done or making sure they get out of there,"

"What, you imagine yourself as saving them from the many hours you worked in your first years at SVU?" Barba scoffed, but then he saw Olivia close her eyes.

"I'm not saying I regret anything, Barba, but sometimes I can't help but wonder what my life would be like now if I had cared more about my personal life back then, when I first started at SVU. Then of course I remember that I can't dwell on the past and I move on," She said, her voice had the faintest hint of bitterness at the end, and Barba sighed.

"Yeah, I understand that,"

"I mean maybe me and Cassidy could've worked things out in the beginning, maybe I could've had more of a relationship with my mom, maybe I could've kept Calvin…" Olivia mumbled, and although Barba didn't understand any of the things she was saying, he nodded. She glanced at him and suddenly laughed.

"What?" He demanded, and she just shook her head.

"You have no clue about what I'm talking about, Barba,"

"I just figured you needed someone to listen, not understand," He retorted, and the smile slowly slid off of her face.

"Yeah, I guess you're right,"

"No, I'm not always right. Tell me about Calvin," Barba suggested, remembering a few of the things she said.

"I was investigating this case about three years ago with this woman, Vivian Arliss, and eventually we found out that she may have killed her mother's rapist, who was also her father,"

"Tough case," Barba muttered, and Olivia sighed.

"You got that right. She fled before we could bring her in, and she left a note and legal documentation that left me as the legal guardian of her boy, Calvin. He was just a boy, I think he was 8 when I first met him. So he lived with me for a while, and I guess I got used to having him as my son, so to speak. He even drew a picture at school of me and him and labeled me as 'mom',"

"And then Vivian came back," Barba said with a shake of his head, sensing what was about to come next.

"Yes. I found Vivian, and brought her into the station. We eventually found out that she wasn't the murderer after all. At the end of the day, Vivian and her lawyer came into the precinct and…told me that my parental rights were revoked. She sent him to live with his grandparents. That…was not a pretty scene…" Olivia's voice broke, and Barba instinctively put his hand on her arm.

"Calvin didn't want to leave you, that's understandable,"

"And the thing is, I could've kept him. I had the chance; Vivian just wanted me to let her go and not bring her in, if I had done that, pretended like I missed her when I went up to her apartment, I might still have Calvin. Sometimes that thought runs through my mind and I feel like crap that I'm thinking it, but I can't help it," She admitted quietly as she finished her drink.

They drank together in silence for a while, and then Olivia finished her beverage and slowly stood up. "I should get home before I keep drinking," She muttered, and Barba looked at her in alarm.

"Did you drive here?"

"Hell no, Barba, do you think I'm an idiot? I took a cab," She snapped, rolling her eyes to soften the blow of her words. He chuckled and got up, paying his tab too and held his arm out to her.

"Let's share a cab then. Maybe if we hold onto each other we won't fall down and look like complete drunks," He said wisely, and she laughed as she latched onto his arm.

They walked out together, and Barba managed to hail a taxi even as the rain started to come down. As Olivia gave her address first, Barba watched the rain fall out of the window.

"Thank you for listening to me, Barba," Olivia said quietly as the taxi pulled up to her apartment building.

"Anytime, Benson. And it's Rafael," He said quietly as she leaned back in the car and smiled at him.

"Olivia," She held her hand out with a silly grin on her face and he shook it with a bark of laughter.

He watched her walk back into her building before telling the driver to take him home to his condo. Yes, he'd like to think of them as friends.

**As I was writing this story, I was struck by how much I really wished Olivia could've kept Calvin. I understand why they writers felt the need to write him out, but still, I wish she could see him more. Ah well. I hope you enjoyed the beginning to this story! I will post the second chapter soon because I'm almost done with it now! Let me know if I'm doing the characterization right, Rafael's a bit tricky to write accurately. Thank you so much for reading!**


	2. Is I Know Something Now

**Chapter 2 has been posted! Thank you all so much for the reviews and follows and everything, you guys are absolutely fabulous! And a special thanks to Bucken-Berry for correcting some of my grammar issues in the first chapter, I hope this one is better! Please feel free to correct me if there're any more issues!**

**Get ready for some more Barba awesomeness, and Barson relationship fun! A relationship milestone (for lack of a better term) will be reached between these two, going from kinda friends to definitely-possibly-maybe-more-than friends.**

**Enjoy!**

So when he saw her comforting countless victims as their assaulters were claimed 'not guilty', he knew, as her friend, that it must take a toll on her. But it was still a shock when he got a call one night from a bartender.

"Barba." He answered, having been working late on cases in his office.

"Hello sir, this is Alex from Tavern 251?"

"Yes, what can I do for you?"

"I'm sorry to bother you, sir, but there a woman here, and you're the last number she dialed."

"What happened?" Barba questioned, already knowing it was probably Olivia.

"She's not hurt, sir, she just, well, can you come pick her up?"

"Yes, of course, I'm on my way." Barba said quietly, and hung up. He didn't hesitate as he hurried into his car and sped off towards the bar. He found a parking space as quickly as he could and strode into the bar. Olivia was huddled behind the bar with the bartender standing next to her.

"Barba." Olivia said in shock, and Barba nodded to the bartender.

"Thank you, Alex."

"No problem." He said, and Barba quickly escorted Olivia out, giving his fiercest court glare to all the creeps that were eyeing her up. "Even I know not to go to that bar, Detective," Barba said under his breath, and looked around for her car.

"I took a taxi." Olivia said bleakly, and Barba looked at her. Really looked at her.

"Come on, I'm taking you home." He said gently, putting her in his car and driving towards his condo.

"I…I don't live this way." She stammered, and he nodded.

"I know. I do."

She tried to argue, but was too tired and had too much alcohol in her to form the right words. When she tried to get out of the car she stumbled, so Barba easily lifted her into his arms. She gave up fighting him and rested her head against his neck. She knew she was safe, and that's all that she cared about.

Barba gently put her in his guest room, removing her jacket and shoes so she could be more comfortable.

Olivia was sleeping soundly when he went and grabbed a bottle of water and a few aspirin, putting them on the bedside table. He gently shut the door and went back to the living room to look over a few more cases before he went to bed.

When Barba finally went to bed he checked on Olivia and found the water already drank and the aspirin gone. With a smile he replaced the water, and as he went to walk away he heard Olivia's voice said quietly, "Thank you, Rafael."

"You're welcome, Olivia." He said, smiling more than he should at her use of his first name. He was the one who told her to call him that after all. With that he went to bed.

When he woke up in the morning, since it was Saturday he slept in more than usual, he smelled breakfast cooking. It had been so long since that had happened, it took him a few minutes to figure out what was going on.

When he did figure it out, he got out of bed and pulled on a pair of pajama pants before walking out into the kitchen.

"Good morning sleepyhead." She teased as she put a plate of toast on the table.

"You can cook. I'm shocked." Barba shot back, and she rolled her eyes.

"Just because I never have time to doesn't mean I can't."

He surveyed as she placed the scrambled eggs on the table. "I didn't know what you liked and I didn't want to wake you up, so I took a guess." She admitted, and he smiled.

"Spot on. Nice job."

"Thanks." She replied, and they sat down to eat. "I just, I wanted to thank you for dealing with me last night." Olivia said quietly, and Barba smiled.

"Hey, don't worry about it,"

"I honestly don't remember the last time I drank that much." Olivia said as she put her head in her hands.

"I said don't worry about it, I can remember a few times being drunker than you were last night. Well, I can't remember it but my amigos do." He joked, and Olivia half-smiled.

They ate in silence for a few more minutes, and then Barba said lightly, "I know you, Olivia, or at least I'd like to think I do, and you wouldn't go out and get drunk like that unless you had a reason. I know the last case was hard, but…" He trailed off, and Olivia sighed. She knew she owed him at least some explanation of last night.

"It's a long story." She replied, pushing her plate of food away. He did the same and nodded,

"I've got time, Olivia."

She looked at him vulnerably, and then started into how she was the product of her mother's rape, and although her mother did the best she could, Olivia always knew that a small part of her mother hated her, for what she reminded her of. That lead into how her mother had died, and finding her half-brother Simon, and searching for her biologic father.

After she explained her past, Barba instantly realized why the case had affected her more so than anyone else. The case was a young girl whose mother had been raped, and when she found out that she was the product of that rape, she hunted down the man who was biologically her father and killed him. Her mother claimed responsibility, as did her step-father, but SVU eventually found out the truth. And Barba was forced to prosecute her, even though he was able to get a plea deal for life in a psychiatric facility.

"You saw yourself in her." Barba murmured, and Olivia replied hoarsely,

"I saw what I would've been if I hadn't been a cop."

"I don't believe that, Olivia, a cop or not you're a good person, you can't doubt that." Barba argued, and Olivia covered her face with her hands.

"Too late." She whispered, and Barba got up and pulled her to her feet, wrapping his arms around her. She cried into his chest for a long moment, and then pulled back. "I-I'm sorry."

"Sorry? For what? Being human?" Barba shook his head as he spoke, and Olivia replied as she pushed away from him,

"No, for being so needy and weepy and everything, I'm not like that."

"You're not being like that, Olivia. You're letting someone else take care of you for once," Barba said simply, and Olivia froze, looking at him. "You've never let anyone do that before, have you?" He said gently, brushing the tears off of her face.

"N-no." Olivia mumbled, and Barba's heart broke. He gathered Olivia in his arms and carried her to his bedroom. He laid her down on the bed and wrapped his arms around her.

"Let me take care of you, Liv." He murmured, and she just nodded as they laid there, drifting off to sleep.

When Barba woke up, he was surprised to see it was already getting dark outside. He looked down at Olivia's sleeping form and smiled to see her grip on his arms. She slowly stirred, aware that Barba still had his arms around her, and to be honest, it felt good.

She glanced up at saw him looking down on her with a soft smile on his face. "Hey." He said quietly, and she smiled as she let go of him and stretched.

"Hey back."

"Are you up for doing something?" Barba questioned, and Olivia looked at him in confusion. "Hold on," He said with a grin, going to his bathroom and rummaging around, and then going to his closet and putting some clothes in a bag.

"What're you doing?" She asked with a laugh as she propped herself up on her elbows.

"Getting some stuff. We're going back to your apartment." He stated, and she looked at him in confusion.

"I'll explain more on the way, let's go!" He said in excitement, and Olivia laughed as she rolled out of bed and went to get her shoes and jacket. Meanwhile, Barba placed a phone call to a friend of his that owed him a favor.

Barba drove them to Olivia's apartment and while they climbed the stairs, Olivia questioned, "So what exactly are we doing?"

"You are going to get all dolled up, and we are going out."

"Out?"

"Out." He said with a grin as she unlocked the door to her apartment.

"Well…alright…" She said with a laugh, and going into her room to change and get ready. Barba chuckled as he went into the bathroom to change himself.

After about an hour, she was ready and walked out of her room in a simple dress, her hair swept up and curled, a pair of pumps on her feet and a jacket over her arm.

Barba couldn't help himself as he wolf-whistled. "Not so bad yourself, you must've used the whole bottle of gel to tame the bedhead I saw this morning." She teased, looking him over in his casual suit.

He rolled his eyes as she snickered at him. "Shall we?" He asked, taking her coat and helping her into it.

"We shall." She said decidedly, locking her door and he tucked her hand into the crook of his arm as they descended down.

**And that's the end of chapter 2! The next update will have them going out for the evening, and having a blast. I almost wrote it as my idea of the perfect first date of sorts. Oops, did I give something away? ;) Haha anyways thank you so much for reading and sticking with this story, and I promise to get the next chapter up as soon as possible! I hope you enjoyed this latest update!**


	3. Know Something Now

**Chapter 3 has been posted! And I want to start off with a gigantic THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed this story! When I first started writing it I wasn't sure of the response I would get, but you guys are awesome. You've inspired me so much, and I hope you know how much that means to me. So this story is going to be a little longer than I anticipated, probably around 20 chapters or so, my muse just kept going with plotline ideas!**

**And Bucken-Berry, you get a special shout-out for helping me correct my grammar, I really hope I got it right this time but if I didn't, please feel free to make fun of me because I definitely deserve it haha.**

**Anyway, this chapter will be a little more of the deepening of the Barson relationship with more cutesy stuff! Might even get a little steamy at the end ;)**

**Enjoy!**

When Barba pulled up to one of the most prestigious places in the city, Olivia's jaw dropped. "Rafael…I'm not dressed for this place,"

"Yes, you are, you're beautiful, now let's go," he said impatiently, and Olivia blushed a little as she allowed him to escort her inside.

After they had ordered, Olivia leaned across the table and asked, "How on earth did you get last minute reservations here?"

"A friend, I called in a favor." Barba said with a smile, and Olivia pursed her lips.

"You didn't have to do this."

"I know. I wanted to, it's Saturday night and I didn't want to spend it all alone in my condo, and I didn't want the same fate for you. We're just friends having a good time, Olivia, relax," he assured her, and she smiled as she leaned back.

"I can't remember the last time I actually had a good time, you know?"

"I know the feeling," he replied, and then reached across the table with his hand out. "Let's promise, right here, right now, that we will not speak of work tonight. At all. We're just Rafael Barba and Olivia Benson, that's it."

"That sounds perfect." Olivia agreed with a smile, putting her hand in his and squeezing. He grinned as they leaned back in their chairs and they started talking about sports, of all things.

By the time the food arrived, Olivia was arguing her point with Barba and they were both laughing. The waiter smiled at them as he placed their food in front of them, and they both thanked him before launching back into their friendly argument.

"Eli Manning is the best thing to happen to NY football!" Olivia exclaimed, and Barba shook his head, saying,

"I don't think so! Have you seen our record this year? Sure he won a Superbowl, but now he sucks, get rid of him before he ruins next season too,"

This argument evolved into the Toronto mayor admitting to smoking crack, and then how many people said that they would still vote for him if he ran again.

Their conversation bounced all over the place for the longest time, and then before they knew it they had been there for over two hours.

"Alright, my turn," Olivia said as they stood up after he had insisted on picking up the check.

"Your turn for what?" Barba inquired as he helped her into her coat.

"You surprised me with dinner, now it's my turn. The night is still young, Rafael," she assured him with a wink, and started walking out. Barba grinned to himself as he grabbed his own coat and hurried after her; only after seeing her in the driver's seat did he realize that she stole the keys from his pocket.

With a shake of his head he climbed in the passenger seat and barely had buckled before Olivia floored it. "Don't you dare crash my car Benson!" He yelled and she threw her head back and laughed.

Pretty soon she pulled up to a building that Barba was unfamiliar with. "We're here!" Olivia announced with a smile, and climbed out.

"Where exactly is here?"

"It's just a club I like to go to," she said with a grin, grabbing his hand and pulling him up to the front of the line.

"Hey, Liv! Haven't seen you around in a while," the bouncer said with a smile, lifting the rope and allowing her inside.

"Hey Tony! This is my friend Rafael," she introduced, and Tony shook Barba's offered hand.

"This here is my girl, you touch her and I'll hurl your ass outta here, got that?" Tony said roughly, and Olivia laughed as she put her hand on Tony's arm.

"Down boy, we're just here to dance,"

"Alright. Have fun," he said, winking at Olivia as she and Barba disappeared into the club.

"Do you come here often?" Barba said loudly, and Olivia looked at him in confusion as she hadn't been able to hear him. He put his lips to her ear and repeated himself. She grinned at him, realizing that he just used a cheesy pickup line and didn't even notice, and shrugged, replying,

"Sometimes. It's a good place to just dance,"

"Never took you for the dancing type," Barba admitted as they found a sort of quiet table in the back.

"Neither did I until I came here, it's fun," Olivia said with a grin, and then grabbed his hand, dragging him out on the dance floor.

It was slightly awkward at first as Barba hadn't been dancing in forever, but soon he got the hang of it and was even singing along with a few songs as he and Olivia danced.

Pretty soon they were both sweaty, so they made their way off the dance floor and towards the bar where they got their drinks and went back to their table.

"I love this place," Olivia sighed, looking around at all the flashing lights and booming speakers. "It's like here, I can just be Olivia, you know?"

"Yeah, I know," he said quietly, watching her as she glowed. He hadn't seen her this happy in a long time, and he vowed right then and there that he would try to make sure she didn't go so long without being happy.

Icona Pop's 'I Love It' started to play, and Olivia's eyes lit up as she stood up and dragged Barba back onto the dance floor. "I love this song!" She yelled, and he smiled as he started dancing with her, replying to himself,

"I can tell."

As the song ended, the DJ announced, "Now let's wind it down a bit, get those slow-dancing moves out there,"

Imagine Dragons' 'Demons' started to play, and Olivia just wound her arms around Barba's neck as their fast-paced dancing naturally segued into slow-dancing.

"When the days are cold and the cards all fold

And the saints we see are all made of gold

When your dreams all fail and the ones we hail

Are the worst of all and the blood's run stale

I want to hide the truth, I want to shelter you

But with the beast inside, there's nowhere we can hide

No matter what we breed, we still are made of greed,

This is my kingdom come, this is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat, look into my eyes

It's where my demons hide, it's where my demons hide

Don't get too close, it's dark inside

It's where my demons hide, it's where my demons hide,"

Olivia was softly singing along in Barba's ear, and he held her close as they swayed. He began singing along towards the end, and Olivia drew back to look at him.

"Your eyes they shine so bring

I want to save that light

I can't escape now

Unless you show me how

When you feel my heat, look into my eyes

It's where my demons hide, it's where my demons hide

Don't get too close, it's dark inside

It's where my demons hide, it's where my demons hide,"

With that last note their lips were pressed against each other, neither of them were really sure who made the first move. Olivia buried her fingers in his hair as he kissed her softly and then the next upbeat song started to blare. Everyone around them started to move faster, and that broke their trance.

Barba started to dance along with the song, and so did Olivia, but there was a different energy between the two of them now. As the beat went faster and so did their dance moves, Barba leaned forward and captured Olivia's lips fiercely.

When the song was over with, Olivia put her lips to Barba's ear and said quietly, "Take me home, Rafael,"

"Gladly," he all but growled, and led the way out of the club, stealing the keys back as they went. He drove back to his place, and Olivia's hand wandered around as he drove. "Payback's a bitch, Olivia, remember that," he breathed, and Olivia smirked.

"All talk,"

"You'll see," he said with a grin, glancing sideways at her as he parked. She laced her fingers together with his as they made their way to his front door.

Right when Olivia stepped inside, Barba's hands were around her waist and his lips were on hers; her back was against the wall in a flash.

"Wait. Brian." Barba breathed, and she rolled her eyes.

"We've been over for a month, where have you been?" Olivia said with a shake of her head, and he chuckled darkly.

"I'm sorry, but thank God," he fused his mouth back with hers, and the first time they didn't even make it to the bed.

**And that's the end of this latest update! I'm working on the next chapter right now, so it'll hopefully be up as soon as possible! Maybe even within a few days if I'm lucky! **

**The next chapter will have even more cutesy relationship stuff, but then we start getting into the storyline of the end of the fourteenth/beginning of the fifteenth season. I imagine you can guess where Barson will go from there.**

**Thank you so much for reading and I hope you liked this chapter! More to come soon!**

**Oh and the song that was playing at the club was Imagine Dragons "Demons", I seriously love that song, and it's just so meaningful, especially to the SVU team because they all have demons inside of them. So yeah, go listen to that song if you haven't, it's pretty perfect!**


	4. I Didn't Before

**And here's the fourth chapter! I'm so happy you guys like this story so far, and a huge shout-out to Bucken-Berry for helping me with my grammar on this story, you're such a huge help and I appreciate it so much!**

**Now we turn to the morning after...will it be super awkward or just...perfect? You'll find out! And then the Barson relationship shall progress from there...and then shit goes down.**

**Enjoy!**

Sunday morning Olivia woke up and stretched like a cat, a very satisfied cat. "Rafael," she mumbled, and felt strong arms wrap around her waist.

"Mmm, morning," he murmured, pressing his lips to the back of her neck.

"Morning," she replied happily, settling back into his embrace.

"Time is it?" Rafael asked quietly, and she glanced over at the clock.

"It's only 10am," she replied, and he chuckled.

"Good," he rolled on top of her and pressed his lips to her amidst her giggles.

It wasn't until noon when they had finished showering (cough…together…cough) and were dressed. Olivia was dressed in one of Rafael's t-shirts and a pair of his sweat pants, although both were big on her. She had insisted that she wouldn't be doing the walk of shame back up to her apartment.

"After you change, where do you wanna grab some lunch at?" Rafael asked as he drove to her apartment.

"How about I make something and we watch the Giants?" Olivia countered, and he grinned.

"Sounds perfect to me. You don't even have to change."

"What, you like me in your clothes?" Olivia teased as they made their way to the elevator. Once the doors had shut behind them, Rafael pushed her against the side and pressed his lips to her neck, rumbling,

"Immensely."

She laughed as she kissed him quickly and pushed him off of her as they reached her floor. Hand in hand they walked to her door and once they got inside, Olivia sent Rafael to turn the TV on and find the game while she looked to see what she could make for lunch.

"Alright, how does grilled cheese and tomato soup sound?" Olivia asked as she popped her head out of the kitchen.

"You know…that sounds perfect," he said thoughtfully, and Olivia smiled as she went to start the soup.

It was halftime by the time they were done eating, and Olivia was leaning against Rafael with his arms around her while they watched the commercials and argued about Eli Manning's performance.

"Rafael, what…what exactly is this?" Olivia questioned quietly, fiddling with her cell phone in her hands. Rafael sighed, knowing that this had to come up sooner or later.

"What…do you want us to be?" He countered, and she sat up, looking at him.

"I…I know we can't be together, as an ADA and a detective,"

"Who told you that?" Barba queried, and Olivia shook her head.

"I already went down that road, Rafael, David Hayden and I…we had a relationship and I did think I loved him, but with work, we just couldn't, he was trying my cases and if any defense attorney found that out, it could get a case thrown out..."

"Stop," Rafael demanded, scooting closer to her and putting his finger over her lips. "Don't think about work. Just think about this, think about us. What do you want, Olivia?"

"I want…I want you," she admitted quietly, and he leaned forward and kissed her.

"Then you've got me. I want you too," he said simply, and she wrapped her arms around him.

"But it's not that simple, Rafael," she argued, and he nodded as he dropped a kiss on top of her head.

"Yes, it actually is. If it becomes a problem, we'll deal with it, but for now? Let's just keep it between the two of us, how does that sound?"

"Pretty perfect actually," she sighed, and he smiled as they turned their attention back to the football game now that they had their issues sorted out.

That night Rafael slept over at Olivia's place and she pushed him out early enough so he could go back to his place and get changed for the day. She walked into work and greeted everyone with a smile, and they could all tell that she'd had a good weekend. No one asked; they were just glad to see her happy for once in a long time.

Rafael and Olivia's relationship went a lot like that for the following months, and Olivia had never fallen in love so easily before.

One night, the last night before the Lewis verdict would be delivered, when Olivia thought Rafael was already asleep, she whispered "I love you" and then fell asleep herself. Rafael was actually wide awake, and kicking himself the whole night for not saying it back to her when he had the chance.

In the morning, Olivia woke up first and went off to work, leaving a sweet note for Rafael behind.

"I just wanted to tell you I love you, I'm not trying to pressure you into saying it back to me or anything, we're more mature than that, I just wanted to make sure you knew. See you for dinner? Love, Liv"

Rafael went to work that day, telling himself that he'd tell Olivia that he loves her too when they both got off work. And then the Lewis mistrial happened, and he discovered that Cragen had sent her home early.

He knew her well enough that it was wise to give her some space, so he stayed at the office that night and worked on some other cases with some alcohol at his side. Truth be told the mistrial affected him too, knowing that that monster was out there, probably hunting another victim.

He had no way of knowing that as of that very moment, Olivia was coming face to face with the Beast and his gun.

Rafael was getting extremely worried when Olivia wouldn't answer his calls and wasn't at home. He figured she had gone out of the city and was staying in a hotel; she'd told him that she had done that once after a very bad case, just to clear her head and get some different scenery.

Still he told his worries to Cragen, who agreed with him. And that's when he sent Fin and Amanda to her apartment just to check and see if she was back yet.

Cragen's cell phone rang just as Munch was about to head out to see what was taking Fin and Amanda so long, and he answered it. "Cragen."

Almost instantly he dropped the phone and his eyes grew wide and glassy. "Captain!" Nick yelled, jogging over to him and grabbing onto his arm.

Munch grabbed the phone and held it to his ear, saying, "Fin? What? What is it?"

"Amanda's getting CSU over here, her apartment is…seriously messed up. It's him, John, he took her, he's got Liv." Fin said, his voice shaking a little at the end.

"NO!" Munch suddenly bellowed, and his outburst seemed to jerk Cragen out of his terrified trance. He began issuing orders like he always did,

"We need to get over there now. Munch, I hate to ask you this but can you stay here and man the phones in case…in case someone calls?" He knew it was too much to hope that Olivia would get free and call the precinct, but it was a possibility and had to be followed just to be on the safe side.

"No problem." Munch said quietly, and Cragen put his hand on Munch's shoulder before striding out, followed by Nick.

"Is…is it true?" Nick asked in a quiet voice when they got in the elevator, and Cragen said, rubbing his face with his hands.

"I'm afraid so. But this son of a bitch won't get my Olivia." Cragen said viciously, and Nick knew that the Captain had momentarily forgotten about Nick's presence in the elevator.

When they got to the car, Nick insisted on driving and Cragen allowed him, staring into space on the way to her apartment. Everyone always knew that Olivia had a special place in Cragen's heart, almost as if she was his daughter.

Truth be told she had a special place in everyone's heart, just like everyone in SVU had a place in her heart. They were a family, and Nick was going to be damned if he was going to let that so-called Beast take her away from them.

They pulled up to her apartment and hurried upstairs. Nick already had his arm out ready to steady Cragen when they saw her apartment, and it took the Captain a few minutes but he moved through the rooms on his own without any issue other than the anger that was growing in him.

Once they'd looked at the apartment as much as they could, they headed back to SVU to start the manhunt for William Lewis and their own Olivia Benson.

"We should call Barba." Amanda said quietly, and Cragen nodded as he pulled his cell phone out.

Rafael Barba was sitting in his office, prepping for the next case that he had coming up when the call came through.

"Barba," he answered sharply, slightly annoyed that he had been interrupted.

"It's Cragen. You need to get down here."

"SVU? Why?" Barba questioned, leaning back in his chair and reluctant to move while in the middle of his case file.

"Just…get down here. As quickly as you can."

"Captain what's this ab…" Barba didn't get to finish his sentence as Cragen abruptly hung up on him. With a sigh Barba got to his feet and headed to SVU the same time that Cragen and the rest of his squad was.

**Oh dear, our beloved Barba is headed for the shock of his life...I'm sorry if it felt a bit rushed between their first weekend and Lewis taking Olivia, but I already referenced basically the entire fourteenth season before Barson had that wonderful night, so I just jumped right into the Lewis thing. I really hope you're enjoying this story so far, and thank you so much for reading!**

**The next chapter will bring the search for Olivia with Barba being a lot more prevalent. I was upset he wasn't even in that first episode of the fifteenth season, so it will be my take on what he should have done! **


	5. All I've Seen Since 18 Hours Ago

**Hey everyone, so I know my characterization of Munch and Cragen in the last chapter wasn't spot-on and I apologize, it was kinda me and my muse **_**wanting**_** them to act like that, even though that's so not in their character, you guys are totally right. I suppose I was projecting a little bit, my apologies! I thought about going back to fix it, but then I reread this chapter and realized this one might seem a little OOC too, but that's up to you guys! Let me know what you think when you've read it! If it's really terrible I'll go back and fix it, I promise!**

**Enjoy!**

"This had better be good…" Barba growled as he stepped into the precinct. Truth be told he was more than slightly worried about Olivia at this point, he was downright terrified that something had happened to her. Unfortunately, he wasn't allowed to show this concern, or his secret relationship with her might be found out.

Cragen stepped in his way, effectively blocking the board from his view. "I thought you needed to hear this from one of us."

"Hear what? Just what the hell is going on here?" Barba demanded, inching towards pissed off instead of just irritated. Before any of them could explain, Fin stepped in front of him.

"Ah, Detective Tutuola, maybe you can tell me…" Barba went to say and Fin grabbed him by the front of his suit and shoved him against the wall.

"Fin," Cragen warned, hurrying over, but Fin wasn't to be deterred.

"You stupid son of a bitch, if you hadn't let that bastard walk outta that court with a mistrial this would've never happened in the first place! This is your fault!" Fin bellowed, and Barba was floored.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Nick strode over and got in his face, saying angrily, "Olivia Benson is in the hands of William Lewis right now, and he's doing God knows what to her."

"He's got Olivia?" Barba said in horror, his eyebrows raised and Fin nodded as he tightened his grip.

"Fin, let him go now," Cragen commanded, and Fin reluctantly released the ADA and then strode away, with Rollins and Munch hurrying after him, afraid he'd take his anger out on something or someone else.

"Is…is it true?" Barbra asked, and Cragen nodded.

"I'm afraid so. Rafael, this is not your fault, they're just upset," he insisted.

"Isn't it?" Barba said listlessly, and Cragen shook his head.

"No. Absolutely not. This is no one's fault, except that bastard that took her. Now I need you to focus, because we will need every single one of us to find her, okay?"

"Alright. Alright, just give me a moment. I'll be in the squad room in a few minutes,"

Cragen nodded and Barba went to the men's room. He leaned over the sink for a few moments and splashed cold water on his face before going out to face the music. If he was going to help, he needed to see the board they had set up; whether it broke his heart or not he needed to see it.

As he walked towards the board, he realized that he pretty much had Olivia's apartment committed to memory over the past few months. From what he saw, it didn't look the same way anymore.

The pictures of her apartment that had been torn apart made him shudder internally. _"This is all your fault! See those photos of his victims? That's what he's doing to her right now! She could have been saved if you hadn't been so incompetent in court!"_ His head screamed at him.

"This isn't your fault, Barba," Cragen repeated quietly from behind him, and Barba spun around, unable to look any longer at the images of chaos and blood…so much blood…

"That's not important now. We need to find her."

"No shit Sherlock." Fin muttered, and Barba rolled his eyes.

"You have cases, Barba, I just didn't want you to hear this from the news or anyone else," Cragen replied, and Barba shook his head.

"I'll call the DA. I'm here, I'm helping, and no offense, but there's not a damn thing you can do to stop me, Captain."

He walked off and used his cell to tell the DA what he was doing. With a little persuasion he was able to pawn his cases off on another ADA and get the clearance to assist SVU.

"You can't help if you're going to prosecute," Nick said to Barba when he walked back into the squadroom.

Barba gave a dry laugh. "Even if I tried to fight there's not a snowball's chance in hell the DA would allow me to prosecute this now. After a mistrial the first time and the fact that I know and work with the…Olivia….the second time? That's a recipe for 'off the case' if I ever saw one." Barba said roughly, knowing he almost called Olivia a 'victim'. Even though that's what she was in this case, he couldn't think of her like that.

Mainly Barba worked with Munch in the precinct while the others ran around chasing leads, and then the call finally came in.

"SVU, how can I help you?" Barba repeated the standard line he'd been told to say as he'd manned the phones for the past few days, hoping for tips about Olivia.

"Rafael?"

He nearly dropped the phone as he heard the tired and drained and somehow still surprised voice of none other than Olivia Benson. Barba shook his head to get himself together and yelled, "Trace this call now!"

"It's okay, he's…he's dead. I…I killed him…" Olivia breathed, her voice shaking now.

"Olivia, listen to me, you're okay, Nick and Fin are on their way right now," Barba said soothingly, watching the two detectives run out of the room with the coordinates while Amanda, Munch and Cragen surrounded the desk he was using.

"O…okay…please, don't leave me, don't…don't hang up," she begged, and Barba's heart wrenched hearing the pain in her voice.

"I'm right here and I swear to everything that is holy, I am not going anywhere, just stay with me until they get there, okay?"

"O…okay…" Olivia whispered, and Barba said a little louder,

"Olivia! Stay with me!"

"I am, I am, calm down," she snapped, and then added in a weary voice, "I'm just…so tired…"

"I know you are, Liv, and help is on the way, I promise." Barba said, shortening her name without even noticing. Normally he only did that when they were alone, but he couldn't help it at this point.

"He…he was waiting for me when I got home…put his gun to my forehead…smiled at me…" Olivia shuddered, and Barba could tell.

"Shhh…you don't have to talk about that now, there's a time for that later," he said quietly, and Olivia swallowed hard. "How about I talk, is that okay?"

"Yes…tell me about your mom, you mentioned her a few times," she sighed, grateful for the opportunity to focus on something other than the hell she just went through.

Just as he opened his mouth to speak, a shot rang out. "OLIVIA!" Barba bellowed into the phone, but he didn't hear anything. "Tell them to hurry; I think Olivia just got shot." Barba said rapidly to Cragen who was the closest to him, and he immediately went to his phone, along with everyone else from the team.

Suddenly a faint cackle came to his ears. "Your precious…Olivia…is _dead_…"

Barba recognized the voice as none other than William Lewis. "You listen to me and you listen well," Barba hissed, "If she dies, there is not one place on earth where you will be safe. Do you understand me? I will hunt you to the end of time."

He heard sirens in the background and when he heard Nick yell Olivia's name, and then he picked up the phone. "Barba, she's been shot."

"Where are you taking her?" Barba demanded, and Nick asked the paramedics.

"Mercy General."

"We'll meet you there." Barba replied, and hung up. He grabbed his jacket and rushed downstairs, followed by Cragen, Munch and Amanda.

"We should take two cars," Munch said logically, and they all agreed. Barba got in his own car while Cragen, Munch and Amanda took one of the precinct's cars. They sped off towards the hospital and Barba got there in record time. He quickly walked inside and up to the ER waiting room.

He found Nick and Fin sitting there, traces of blood on their shirts. Barba sucked in a sharp breath as he realized it was Olivia's blood, and then he strode up to them.

"How is she?"

"Surgery. We don't know." Nick said hoarsely, and Barba sighed.

"I'm sorry, both of you, I know you blame me for this, rightfully so, and…"

"Shut up, Barba," he replied, shaking his head.

"We don't blame you. We just got angry, mainly at ourselves for letting this happen. Truth be told, it's on all of us and none of us at the same time." Fin said quietly, and Barba nodded as they lapsed into silence.

Cragen, Munch and Amanda came up a few moments later, and they all sat there in silence for what seemed like forever. Other people, mainly cops, came and went, but most of them didn't even notice. It felt like an eternity to them all when the doctor finally came out of the operating room doors and stripped his scrubs off.

"Doc," Nick pleaded as they all stood up to greet the doctor that would deliver the verdict that would mend or break their hearts.

**I've always thought of Nick and Fin as the two hotheads in the squad, so to speak, and in the heat of the moment, just after finding out about Olivia, they wouldn't think they would just act, and lay the blame on Barba because of the mistrial, but retract and apologize later. Again it's your call, if you guys think it's too OOC I'll go back and fix it, just let me know! I appreciate constructive criticism because it helps me be a better writer, that's why you guys rock! Thank you so much for reading and I hope you like the story so far!**

**Oh and I've always wondered how they found Olivia, I mean I assume she called them, but I've always wanted to know who answered and what they said and all that, so that's where Barba helping with answering the tip line came in because I wanted the first voice she heard to be his, probably because I'm such a hopeless romantic haha. **


	6. Is Green Eyes and Freckles In Your Smile

**Chapter 6 is up! Now before you go reading this latest installment, there are a few warnings: you'll probably hate me by the time you're done reading this chapter. And once the episode with Lewis's trial is aired, it'll probably be completely irrelevant and ridiculous. That's why it took me so long to write this, because I wasn't sure if this was the angle I wanted to go, but I couldn't get it out of my head and so here it is! Please don't hate me for this haha :P **

**Basically I didn't use the whole 'Olivia beat him while he was handcuffed aka excessive force so he gets off' thing much at all, I went in a completely different direction. And I mean completely. I'm not even sure where it came from. Well, I do, there's been a lot of depressing stuff in my family this week, but I won't depress you with the details.  
**

**PS: I'm pretty sure it was said that Jack McCoy is no longer the DA, but for this story, he's back to being the DA.**

**Enjoy!**

"I…I'm so sorry…we did all we could but she…she bled out on the table…her injuries were too severe…" The doctor said quietly, bowing his head and avoiding all of their eyes.

"WHAT!?" Fin bellowed, and then his attention was focused on Amanda who had crumpled to the floor in tears.

Cragen covered his face with his hands and Nick and Munch stood next to him, their hands on his shoulders and grief covering all of their eyes.

Rafael staggered back against the wall, his right hand covering his forehead and his left hand clenched in a fist. In the back of his mind he knew he needed to reign his emotions back or he'd give everything away, but in reality, he just didn't give a damn. Olivia was gone, and that's all that mattered.

He didn't know for how long he sat there, but he became aware of them rolling Olivia's body by him, taking it to the morgue. He immediately lurched to his feet and gasped, "Stop!"

"Sir…"

Rafael completely ignored them and gently pulled the sheet back. Her seemingly sleeping face looked up at him, and his heart shattered. Carefully he touched her face, and then allowed her to be taken from him.

Everyone else was gone, and he faintly remembered them trying to take to him and get him to leave. Abruptly he went outside and down to his car, driving around until he came to a stop outside Olivia's apartment. It was pouring rain but he didn't care, he stood outside with his back against the building, glancing down at the photo in his hands of him and Olivia that she had taken on her phone. He didn't care at all that he was getting soaked to the skin either.

"I'm gonna nail this bastard to the wall and send him straight to hell where he belongs." Rafael growled, vowing to go talk to Jack McCoy the next day. Even if he couldn't be the lead prosecutor, he still wanted a part of the trial.

"She knows," a voice said from his right, and he glanced over to see Cassidy standing there. "I know, about you two, she told me, felt I had the right to know or something like that."

"I'm sorry, Brian."

"For what?" Cassidy laughed bitterly. "She died knowing she was loved, and I'm glad. We were never going to be long-term, we knew that ten years ago and we knew it this time too. I don't regret anything, neither did she, and neither should you."

"I don't," he snapped, and then sighed, "I was apologizing for not saving her; not putting Lewis away in the first place."

"No. Don't you dare start that bullshit. Olivia's memory doesn't deserve your self-pity." Cassidy said firmly, and Barba sighed.

"You're right. I know. Can I…I don't know buy you a drink or something?" Barba gestured down the street to a pub he knew rather well.

Cassidy shook his head. "You don't need it. You need to go home and get some sleep. You've gotta nail Lewis to the wall and throw him in a cage where he damn well belongs."

Rafael nodded slowly, knowing Cassidy was right again. He climbed in his car as Cassidy took his place outside Olivia's building, almost as if he was standing guard.

He finally arrived home after driving around for a little while, and once he got inside he could literally smell her, as if she was still there. He fell into bed and hugged her pillow, inhaling her scent as the tears finally fell. "Please, please don't leave me," He cried out as his heart shattered again. "I never even told you I love you," he murmured as he drifted off into a fitful sleep.

In the morning he woke early, got dressed and went to Jack's office, fully prepared to fight for the right to be a prosecutor on this case.

To his surprise, Jack didn't really argue. He wouldn't let him take lead, but he allowed him to be next to him in the courtroom.

From there he began preparing the case with all that SVU had sent him, along with the new information from 1PP about Olivia's part of the case, all the forensic evidence that they had found on her and in the building where she'd been found.

It took a few weeks, but soon he was ready to nail Lewis for his crimes, and Lewis was released from the hospital. This time he would not lose. Olivia's funeral would take place the day after the trial was concluded, unless it took too long.

And so the case began, publically and viciously. And it lasted for a good two months.

Barba went at the case with everything he had, dotting all of his I's and crossing all of his t's. Vanessa wasn't his attorney anymore, because of what happened to her parents, but Barba called her to the stand. She testified to her unshakeable faith that he was not guilty, but then he raped her mother and killed her father. She was now positive he was guilty. Barba used her to show just how trustworthy and truthful he seemed, although his defense attorney tried to turn it into a character defamation against Vanessa. Tried, and basically failed.

Barba was about to stand up to tell the judge that the state was going to rest their case, since he had called and questioned his last witness. As his mouth opened, the back door burst open and Barba turned to see Jack McCoy, the DA, who had been missing that day, stride into the courtroom and called,

"Permission to approach, your Honor,"

"Granted," the judge said warily, and McCoy held up a finger to Barba as he and Lewis's defense attorney approached the bench. After a short conversation, the judge moved the conversation to her office.

"Barba, what's going on?" Nick demanded in a low whisper, and Barba said frustratingly,

"I have no idea."

A little while later, McCoy, the defense and the judge came back into the room. Lewis's attorney looked furious, the judge looked a little shocked and McCoy looked smug.

"What's going on?" Barba hissed, and McCoy just shook his head.

"The state would like to call one last witness, your Honor," he stated, and the judge inclined her head.

"Go ahead,"

**Again, I want to apologize in advance to any of you that despised this chapter, I just wanted to take a different direction with this story than I originally intended. I watched this really depressing Christmas Hallmark movie (I know, oxymoron right?) and started writing a Barson fic where Olivia died and Rafael had never told her he loved her, and then I just ended up molding it into this story. Sometimes even I have no idea how my muse works.**

**Anyway, thank you so very much for reading and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'll be posting the next update soon so I won't keep you in suspense for much longer ;)**


	7. In The Back Of My Mind

**Chapter 7 has been posted! I'm sorry it took so long; after the Psycho Therapist episode was aired I went back through this chapter and added some details from the trial. They're kinda woven into this chapter, so they're not really spoilers unless you've seen the episode because you can't pick them out unless you've seen the episode. If that makes any sense at all haha.**

**Anyways, I want to thank all of you so very much for sticking with this story as my crazy muse takes it on a completely different journey than I originally intended. Love to you all! **

**Don't worry, you'll get your adorable Barba/Benson reunion in the next chapter, this one is all about the trial and Lewis still torturing Olivia. **

**Enjoy!**

"The state calls Detective Olivia Benson to the stand,"

There was a moment of silence, and then the back doors banged open and none other than Olivia Serena Benson walked into the courtroom, flanked by a group of men in suits that clearly looked like feds.

Olivia passed by the prosecutor's table and Barba stared, open-mouthed, at her. She gave him a subtle wink as she swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help her, God.

"Just let her tell her story," McCoy murmured to Barba, giving him a shove to get him to start walking towards the stand.

"D…Detective, how are you feeling?" Barba questioned first, and Marissa, the defense attorney, shot up.

"Objection!"

"I'm so sorry if I'm a little shocked, you see I spent the last few months believing this woman to be dead," Barba snapped, and the judge nodded.

"Sit down, counselor,"

Marissa slowly sank down, still furious. Lewis just stared at Olivia, his expression never changing.

"I'm mending, thank you," Olivia said gently, and Barba nodded.

"Can you tell the court what happened to you three months ago on the night of your attack?"

Olivia nodded and launched into the story of how she had come home, sensing something was wrong, and turned around and there was William Lewis with a gun to her head. He knocked her unconscious for a while, and when she came to she fought against him, winding up with multiple injuries and burns for her trouble.

She talked about how he knocked her unconscious but she came to when he was dragging her down the fire escape in her bedding. She told how he drove around with her in the trunk, made her watch as he raped and tortured Vanessa's mother and murdered her father, and Marissa shot up again.

"Objection!"

"The witness is telling us what she saw." Barba argued, and the judge nodded.

"Let her complete her testimony, counselor, your turn will come. Might I remind you that although I did rule separate trials for these events, I allowed for any witnesses to tell the jury what they saw and experienced themselves."

"Go on. Can you tell us what happened after that?" Barba said gently, and Olivia nodded.

"He…he stopped and got some rope and other stuff, along with a bottle of vodka. He told me if I drank some of the vodka, I'd get some water. I fought him at first but swallowed some of the vodka, and he gave me a sip of water. Then he poured the rest of it out and hit me with the bottle. After that he kept driving, and got pulled over by a cop, a young cop, and he noticed me in the backseat. Lewis grabbed him by the neck and…and shot him in the head." Olivia's voice cracked, and Barba said quietly,

"We can take…"

"No, I'm fine," Olivia said sharply, shaking her head. Barba nodded and Olivia continued, talking about how they reached their final destination by stealing the cop's car, pulling over another car and stealing that one, and how he had gone to ditch the van after they reached the cabin. She had tried to get away while he was gone, but was unsuccessful. He began to beat her and cut her clothes off when he got distracted by the phone ringing.

"While he was gone I managed to get one of the iron bars I was handcuffed to loose, and when he came back in he started to unfasten his pants. I ripped the bar loose and hit him over the head with it. He fell down, but came back up and leapt on top of me. He punched me a few times, but the bar was handcuffed to me so I didn't lose it. I hit him a few more times, and he fell unconscious. I…I found the handcuff key after searching for it and was handcuffing him to the end of the bed when he woke up and lunged at me and started beating me again. I managed to get to my feet and I ran for it, knowing that he left the gun in the living room. He chased me and we both dived for the gun. He grabbed it first but I kicked it out of his hands and he punched me a few more times. I crawled for the gun but he got it first again, and pointed it at me. I closed my eyes, and heard a click. He'd forgotten to pull the safety. I lunged for the gun and in his surprise I managed to grab it. I cocked it and shot him twice. I kept the gun and went to the phone and I dialed the precinct's number. While I was talking, Lewis had gotten up and he grabbed the gun, turning it on me. The last thing I remember is hearing the shot, and feeling a sharp pain in my shoulder and then black."

"Thank you Detective," Barba said gently, giving her a smile as he turned to Marissa and said casually, "Your witness,"

"Detective Benson, do you know a man named Harris?" Marissa asked, watching Olivia closely as she froze. She smiled inwardly as she added, "Lowell Harris, to be exact,"

"Yes, I do," Olivia said shortly, and Barba shot up.

"Objection! Relevance!"

"I have a very valid point to make, your Honor, I assure you," Marissa said convincingly, and the judge warned,

"Alright, but watch yourself counselor."

"Can you tell us how you met Lowell Harris?"

"I went undercover in a women's correctional facility and he was a captain there." Olivia said bitingly, and Marissa nodded.

"Yes he was. Can you tell the court about the day there was a riot in the prison and he took you away to the basement?"

"Objection! What on earth does this have to do with the case?" Barba demanded, and Marissa snapped,

"This testimony speaks to Detective Benson's deep-seated emotional issues that could have caused her to overreact when my client came on to her!"

"What are you talking about?" Olivia questioned, completely floored.

"First tell us about that night," Marissa demanded, and the judge banged her gavel.

"Detective, answer the question," She sighed, and Olivia swallowed hard. She looked at the floor as she spoke,

"Captain Harris took me down to the basement as I thought he was taking me to isolation. He threw me down on the bed that he had down there, and I fought back. I managed to hit him after he took the handcuffs off of me and I ran away, hiding in some of the boxes. When he found me, he proceeded to beat me. I ran for the door that was made of bars and screamed for help as he cornered me and…and unzipped his zipper. He told me that if I bit him, I'd be dead. That's when Detective Tutuola, he was undercover as well, came downstairs and stopped him."

"Thank you Detective. Now isn't it possible that because of Detective Benson's history, both of being in Special Victims Unit for 15 years and the attack by former Captain Harris, that she misinterpreted my client's intentions? You already heard him testify that she had asked him into her apartment; asked for rough sex, isn't it possible that that is what happened?"

Marissa stated, turning to the jury. "Objection!" Barba bellowed, standing up in fury.

"Counselor, save it for closing statements. Do you have any more questions for the witness?" The judge questioned, and Marissa nodded.

"Just a few. Detective, can you tell the court about your mother?"

"What about her?" Olivia questioned warily, although inside she already knew where Marissa was going.

"About how she met your father, and how you came to be," Marissa clarified, and Olivia spat, tears glittering in her eyes.

"My father raped my mother, and I was the product of that rape."

"Objection! Your Honor, is this seriously necessary? It has absolutely nothing to do with the case and it is quite clearly upsetting Detective Benson who is still on the mend from the vicious attack inflicted upon her by the defendant!" Barba argued, fury dancing in his eyes.

"Withdrawn. I have no more questions." Marissa said, holding her hands up in surrender, satisfied that the seed of doubt had been sowed.

Just then, Lewis got to his feet. "Your Honor, I don't believe my attorney has thoroughly questioned this witness. As it is my constitutional right I would like to question her myself."

"Objection! It is the middle of the trial and Mr. Lewis is clearly just trying to traumatize Detective Benson even further than she already has, both at his hands and during this trial!" Barba all but bellowed, and the judge sighed.

"As much as I agree with you, counselor, it is Mr. Lewis's right to question his accuser. But watch yourself," he warned, and Lewis nodded.

"Thank you, your Honor," he walked up to the stand with the limp that he had and began describing his injuries, in full detail. That's when he got in Olivia's face and started screaming at her; how it was her intention to beat him until he was almost dead.

"I did what I had to do to subdue you!" Olivia stated firmly, and Lewis shot back in a bellow,

"You wanted me to writhe in pain on that floor; for the shame and humiliation you felt at the fact that you expressed your own perverted desires during our four days together!"

"I did what I had to do to subdue you," Olivia whispered, tears filling her eyes as Lewis limped closer to her.

"You know what happened during those four days, and so do I. We're the only ones that do; we've got a connection," he whispered, and Barba shot up again.

"Objection! That's not a question!"

"Mr. Lewis…" The judge warned, but Lewis ignored all of them.

"You know we have something, Olivia, we're the same. You wanted to be with a man that had the same traits as all those other rapists you've been chasing for 15 years. You wanted me." Lewis murmured, a manic smile on his face.

"I did not!" Olivia gasped, tears spilling down her cheeks. Lewis started yelling again, launching into how he was the victim.

"And now, not only do you have my own words about how disturbed and twisted Detective Benson is, you now have her own words about all the trauma she's sustained, and how it's festered into this four day binge with me." Lewis stated firmly, and Barba leapt to his feet.

"Objection!"

"Withdrawn. No further questions." Lewis snapped back, staring at Olivia as he backed up to his seat.

Olivia was visibly shaking and she desperately went to step down. "Detective," Barba's voice said quietly to stop her in her tracks, and he said louder to the judge, "Redirect, your Honor,"

"Go ahead."

His eyes stared right into hers, comforting her and giving her strength to sit back down in the witness chair. "Detective, how did you cope after the attack in the prison?"

"I went to therapy; I came to terms with it and let it go. Of course it still hurts to think about it, but it doesn't affect me in my everyday life and my work,"

"And about your mother?"

"Finding out I was the product of my mother's rape is one of the reasons I wanted to stay in the Special Victims Unit. I wanted to help people that were in my mother's situation, or even my own. They deserve help, just like the help that I received, from my family," Olivia said quietly, and her eyes glanced over to where her family was sitting; Cragen and the rest of the team.

"Thank you Detective. Judge, short recess?" Barba questioned, and after the judge looked at Olivia he nodded.

"I'm sorry, what is this recess for?" Lewis questioned in confusion, rising to his feet.

"Detective Benson is the victim in this trial, she's clearly upset and she needs a few minutes to collect herself." Barba spat through his teeth at the monster that had very nearly taken his Olivia from him.

Lewis opened his mouth to argue but the judge beat him to it. "That, Mr. Lewis, is completely in the judge's purview. 30 minute recess." He banged his gavel, and immediately Barba took Olivia by the arm and whisked her out the aisle before anyone else could move.

**And now it's time for a short rant: I can't believe Barba didn't try to object more in the trial in the episode. I know the judge was blocking him every time he tried but that doesn't mean he shouldn't still try! That's one of the reasons why it seems like Barba was objecting a lot in this chapter, because I wanted him to in the episode haha. Sitting there with incredulous looks and shaking your head does nothing Rafael Barba! Ugh this whole episode just ticked me off, and most of it was because of Lewis and his manipulations and blatant lies. (And Olivia making out with her therapist? Wtf?)**

**Alright, rant over, sorry about that. Anyways, thank you so much for reading and I hope you liked this latest addition to this story! I'm currently writing the next chapter and it'll be posted as soon as I finish it!**


	8. Making Me Feel Right

**Welcome to chapter 8! Yes, now you will be getting a Barson reunion of sorts. But first of all, thank you guys so much for sticking with this story, I really appreciate it. **

**Anyways, after the 30 minute reunion/recess they go back into the courtroom for closing arguments, and then the jury is sent to deliberate. That leads to a reunion with the team! I warn you in advance, it will probably get emotional and maybe a little OOC (or a lot, depending on how you see the squad individually) but I felt it was necessary.**

**Enjoy!**

Olivia didn't question him as he led her to some stairs and then outside in the back, where it was an enclosed area. She took deep breaths of fresh air and covered her face with her hands. "I'm so sorry, Rafael," she breathed, and he gently took a hold of her hands.

"Don't you dare be sorry. Don't you dare," he whispered, and pressed his forehead to hers. It was his turn to take deep breaths as he closed his eyes.

"I screwed everything up, didn't I?" Olivia sighed, and he shook his head.

"There's no way the jury will buy that load of crap Marissa and Lewis just fed them." Rafael said confidently.

"I meant between us, but that too." Olivia said as she leaned back and looked him in the eyes.

"What do you mean?" He asked guardedly, and she stepped back from him, wrapping her arms around herself and turning around, saying,

"I disappeared for three months; I let you believe I was dead! I know I hurt you, Rafael, please don't insult me by trying to pretend otherwise."

"And you know what, Olivia, I don't give a damn," he said fiercely, pulling her close. "You're here. You're alive. We're going to watch that bastard burn for what he did to you. And I will never, ever let you go through that kind of hell again. That's all that matters,"

He pressed his lips against hers for a long moment, and then he broke the kiss, chuckling and saying, "Oh, and the fact that I love you far too much to even imagine letting you go a second time,"

"I love you too," She whispered, burrowing into his arms. "Can we talk about telling the rest of the team soon? I don't want to hide anything from them anymore. Do...do you think we're ready?"

"Of course we can. I'll talk to the DA after the case, he owes me after that blind side in the courtroom anyways." Rafael growled, and Olivia chuckled.

"Don't lie, you liked that surprise."

"You being alive? Of course I did," he said, dropping a kiss onto the top of her head. "I'm sorry Lewis did that to you."

"You did your best. I'm surprised your knees aren't sore from the hundred times you jumped to your feet," she chuckled weakly, like her heart really wasn't in the joke.

"There was a gym at Harvard." Rafael joked quietly, and felt Olivia smile a little smile, but it was genuine.

"I've told hundreds of rape victims that facing your rapist in court is the worst thing, but it's liberating. I wish…I wish I could say the same." Olivia whispered, and Rafael tightened his grip on her.

"You will when the guilty verdict comes back."

"I don't think it will!" Olivia said, pushing away from him. "He kept looking at the forewoman of the jury; he was wrapping her around his little finger."

"She's one jurist. There's 11 more." Rafael said rationally, and Olivia rubbed her face with her hands.

"I always knew someday, someone would bring Harris up again."

Rafael sighed. "You know you never told me about that."

"I never told anyone about that, Rafael, not even Elliot. Fin sort of knew; he was the one that rescued me, but he didn't know the whole story."

"We'll talk about that later; recess is almost over," Rafael said quietly, walking over to her and holding his hand out. She gently took it and he squeezed, reaching up with his other hand and wiping her tears away. "I love you." Rafael said boldly, remembering how he was kicking himself for not saying it to her before Lewis kidnapped and tortured her.

"Love you too," she whispered, and he kissed her temple before walking out of the little enclosed area and back inside.

He led her back into the courtroom and she sat down next to Cragen on the end of the bench. He put his arm around her and she gratefully put her head on his shoulder as closing arguments began.

Lewis painted Olivia as a twisted, perverted SVU detective who had made him act out all of her sick rape fantasies like the ones she'd seen for 15 years, and painted himself as the victim with all of his injuries and the parts of her testimony that he claimed were outright lies and inconsistencies. When he made the jury look at Olivia and then look at him, asking who the real victim was, Olivia was shaking and tears were glittering in her eyes. Her mind was screaming at her to get out of there, but Rafael glanced back at her for a moment and gave her a slight wink.

Then it was his turn.

"You've heard a very interesting story about Detective Benson…Olivia…a very, very wrong story. That woman is not a 'rape-crazed' detective, she is a dedicated, caring woman who was tortured, beaten and nearly killed for her efforts to help the victims of our city. She is not the one who came onto the defendant, she's the one who had to fight for her life against his psychopathic actions."

Barba went on, tearing holes through Marissa's and Lewis's theories, and finally he finished with, "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask you to give that woman sitting right there some justice. After all of these years serving the city and fighting for her life for over four days, don't you think she deserves that much? She's suffered enough. Stop this maniac before he does this to another woman, maybe your daughter, your wife, your sister, your niece, your mother, your grandmother, anyone. Stop him, for all our sakes." Barba finished quietly, and sat down.

The jury left to deliberate, and everyone slowly started to trickle out. Barba turned around to see Olivia enveloped in Cragen's arms, with everyone else surrounding her. He smiled and then turned to see McCoy disappearing. He hurried after him, calling his name as they exited the courtroom.

"I can't believe it." Cragen murmured, and Olivia smiled as she hugged him tightly.

"I'm sorry, Captain."

"No, please, don't say you're sorry," he pleaded, drawing back and gently touching her face where a particularly nasty cut was healing. "I'm just glad you're alive," he whispered, and then Nick said quietly,

"Liv."

Olivia turned to him and wringed her hands together. "Nick, I'm sorry."

"How?" He said hoarsely, and she shrugged.

"Guardian angel I guess."

He reached out and wrapped his arms around her, taking a deep breath. "Thank God for that," he said with a half-chuckle, and Olivia hugged him back tightly.

Amanda was standing there almost shaking as she waited her turn, and Olivia knew the younger woman just wanted to throw her arms around her. "I wouldn't make you the only female amongst all this testosterone, Rollins," she joked, and held her arms out. Amanda hugged her as tightly as she could, and laughed as she said,

"Good, I was worried, these past few months have been hell."

"Now you know what I went through before you showed up." Olivia laughed, and the other guys immediately protested.

"Just kidding. You know I love you guys." Olivia said as she let go of Amanda and slipped her arms around Fin's waist. He wrapped his arms around her and replied,

"Love you too, Liv."

She drew back and half-smiled at him as she turned to Munch.

"I guess I'll have to give you your desk back," he chuckled, and she rolled her eyes.

"Missed you too John."

"Hey, come on, you know I missed you." Munch argued, pulling her into a hug. "Really glad you're okay, Liv," he murmured, and she squeezed his waist.

"Me too," she replied, and then eased back. "Hey at least you guys didn't already have my funeral." Olivia managed a smile for her own joke, and everyone smiled too, except one. Fin was standing there awkwardly, with his hands in his pockets. "Fin?" She questioned with raised eyebrows, and he looked at her guardedly.

"I…I didn't know, Liv, I'm so sorry…" He said quietly, and Olivia sighed, replying,

"Please, please don't say that, Fin, it's not on you, I never told anyone."

"But I should've known, I'm an SVU detective for God's sake," he said in exasperation, and Olivia just stepped towards him and put her hands gently on his forearms.

"Please don't, please just be happy that I'm back, I can't stand it if you feel guilty over something that happened years ago, just, please," she begged him, and he wrapped his arms around her.

"Okay," he said softly, knowing that she was right. Guilt didn't help anyone, ever.

"Let's go invade Barba's office." Cragen decided, and the entire group made their way to his office. Cragen stepped out to order takeout as he was sure the verdict would take some time, especially in a trial that took about two months. Plus he didn't want Olivia just sitting there, stewing in the wait over the verdict.

In the office, Olivia lounged in Barba's chair, and everyone wanted to know just what the hell had happened to her after Lewis shot her. She hesitated, wanting to wait for Barba to come back in, and just then he walked through the door.

"Stole my chair I see," he commented with a smirk as he walked in, and Olivia shot back,

"Yes I did. Problem, counselor?"

"Not at all, Detective," He replied with a half-smile, perching on the edge of his desk instead.

**End of this chapter! Another pet peeve of mine about the Psycho Therapist episode is that we didn't get to see Barba's closing argument. I get it was for time, but seriously they should've tried to fit it in somehow, at least in my opinion. **

**But I digress. So I really hope you liked this latest addition to this story, and the next chapter will have the team in Barba's office for some time while the jury is deliberating. Of course then we shall move onto the verdict!**

**Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed this latest update! **

**And one question, it's an idea I've been kicking around in my head ever since I saw the video of Raul Esparza singing 'Hallelujah' online, and fell completely in love with his voice. Do you guys think Barba would sing? Does he seem like he could, maybe if he got enough alcohol in his system? I'm considering having him sing in one chapter (not any time soon) what do you think? Let me know!**


	9. I Just Wanna Know You Better

**Chapter 9 has been updated! Now Olivia's going to tell the team about being in FBI custody and then the verdict comes in from the jury. I'm not really sure how long it took on the show for the jury to come back, I know it was a really long time but they never specified whether it was taking just a lot of hours or a lot of days. But I digress.**

**Enjoy!**

"Are you sure you feel up to telling us about this?" Cragen asked in concern, having come back from ordering takeout.

"Tell us what?" Barba questioned, and Olivia looked at him and responded,

"How I'm still alive."

"Sounds like a very intriguing story, go on if you're okay with it," he said quietly, and she smiled at him.

She told them that she had indeed flat-lined, and the doctor was about to declare her dead when she miraculously started breathing again. That's when the FBI had come in and forced the doctor to tell the team that she was dead, because they were afraid Lewis would try to come after her again and they wanted to keep her safe until the trial. They kept her in a secret hospital room and she was in an induced coma for the first few weeks while she healed.

Olivia looked up at Barba and said, "They hadn't counted on you still sitting out there when they transferred me; they were prepared to put you in custody or probably something worse if you'd noticed my chest was still moving, they got lucky you didn't notice."

"Yes, lucky." Barba murmured, and Olivia gently put her hand on his foot where the others couldn't see.

She continued, saying how she recovered pretty quickly, and how it was always the FBI's intent to bring her to the trial, but not until the end. The judge knew about it, and so did McCoy, but no one else for fear that the information would be leaked to Lewis.

"I don't even care, I'm just glad you're alive." Amanda sighed, and everyone else nodded in agreement.

Just then, the call came to Cragen's phone that the takeout had arrived, and he enlisted Fin, Munch and Nick's help to go get it, and Amanda offered to carry the drinks to help out. Barba stayed with Olivia because they were all worried the FBI would come sweeping in and whisk Olivia away again.

As soon as they left, Barba sighed, "I can't believe I didn't see that you were alive…"

Olivia stood up and slipped her arms around his waist, burying her face in his chest and inhaling his scent. "Don't even think about it, okay? It's not important; it wouldn't have changed anything. They probably would've thrown you in the psych ward or something."

"I know, I know, it's just, it's…ah hell," he growled, lifting her chin up and fusing his lips with hers for a long moment. "I just really missed you." Barba breathed when they parted, and she smirked at him.

"It's nice to know I wasn't forgotten,"

Barba was about to retort when Olivia suddenly sat back down in his chair, and Barba understood when Cragen and the rest of the team walked in with their food.

As they ate, they told Olivia what she'd missed, mainly about Amanda's dating life, Fin's son's new apartment and boyfriend, Munch's brother coming to town and stirring up trouble with his ex-wives, and stuff like that.

"What about you, counselor? Any lady friend in your life?" Cragen questioned as he ate some rice.

"Let's not talk about me." Barba tried to deflect, but Fin wasn't having any of it.

"Oh yeah there is, c'mon tell us about her!"

"She's…she's really great, she's so passionate, funny, dedicated, and sometimes very spontaneous and crazy," he said quietly, and Munch added,

"Smoking hot too, right?"

"Absolutely, very sexy," he said in a low voice, and Nick whistled.

"Damn. She got a sister?"

Everyone laughed, and Barba snuck a glance at Olivia who was looking back at him, her eyes shining and she smiled at him before turning back to her food.

When they finished eating, a knock came at the door and the messenger told them that the jury was back with a verdict. Fin put his arm around Olivia as they walked back to the courtroom, all of them hoping that Lewis was about to be thrown behind bars for the rest of his life, at the very least.

They all sat as the jury filed back in, and the bailiff delivered the verdict to the judge. She read it, and then said, "This is your verdict?"

"Yes it is your Honor," the forewoman replied, and the judge nodded. "But before we read, we have some serious reservations about the conduct of Detective Benson that we're not sure how to address."

"That is not in your purview." The judge replied, and the forewoman said,

"Still we'd like it on the record."

"Proceed," he said, but then looked at Lewis. "The defendant will stand, limp or not." The judge ordered, and Lewis did so. "On the count of attempted murder in the first degree, what do you find?"

"We find the defendant, William Lewis…"

Olivia closed her eyes and held her breath. She now knew what it was like to be in the victim's position, awaiting the verdict on her attacker.

"…not guilty."

Olivia froze, and when the forewoman read off a not guilty verdict for attempted rape she jerked to her feet and turned towards the door, feeling the need to run. Cragen and Nick gently pulled her back into her seat, and Fin whispered, "There's still two more chargers, Liv."

"On the charge of assault on a police officer, we find the defendant guilty. On the charge of kidnapping, we find the defendant guilty."

"The state of New York thanks you for your service; you are dismissed. Mr. Lewis you are remanded to Riker's pending your sentencing," the judge ruled, and banged his gavel to end the trial.

Olivia bolted to her feet before anyone else could touch her and she went straight into Barba's arms. He held her tightly for the longest moment, and he said loud enough for the rest of the squad to hear, "We'll request the maximum. 25 years to life."

"Thank you," she whispered, and then drew back. She looked over and saw Lewis staring at her, and when their eyes connected he smiled at her.

The officers pulled him out of the courtroom but Lewis didn't pull his eyes away from Olivia until he was shoved through the doors.

"Liv…" Rafael murmured, squeezing her arm. She blinked a few times and jerked her head over to look at Rafael.

"I'm good," she assured him, and he rolled his eyes because he knew she was lying. "I just, I need a minute, okay?"

"All right," he said quietly, and walked out of the courtroom with the rest of the team. Olivia stood there in the courtroom until everyone else was gone, and then Olivia slipped out and towards the staircase that hardly anyone used. She slowly sank down on one of the steps and ran her hand through her hair to pull it back a few times.

That's when the tears hit. She covered her face with her hands as her shoulders shook with quiet sobs. It was finally, finally over. But if it was over, why did she still feel the same way? Why didn't she feel that relief that she always told the victims they would feel when the guilty verdict was read?

Rafael had silently opened the door to the staircase, it being one of the final places he could think of to check for Olivia. He saw her sitting on the steps, and heard the sobs and it broke his heart. Quietly he sat down next to her and wrapped his arms around her, not even saying a word. Olivia allowed him to cuddle her to his chest and her hands gripped her arm.

A few long minutes later, Olivia took a deep, shuddering breath and went to dry her tears, but Rafael beat her to it. He framed her face with both hands and they looked each other in the eyes for a long moment before he gently kissed her forehead.

"The others want to head to the bar," he murmured as they stood up, and she sighed. He immediately squeezed her hands and added, "I'll tell them I'm taking you home."

"No, no, it's okay, I want to go," she assured him, and he raised his eyebrows. "I do, I promise."

He didn't really believe her, but sighed and walked with her to where the team was waiting.

That night they all sat at their favorite bar, everyone was about to order their favorite alcoholic beverage except Cragen, who sipped on some soda. Olivia sat between him and Rafael at the table, and first Fin jokingly suggested they all get shots of vodka.

Olivia immediately went pale and Barba reached over and took her hand, squeezing. "Not a good idea, Fin," he said quietly, and Fin realized his mistake.

"Oh shit Liv, I'm sorry, I forgot that bastard made you drink that,"

"No, it's okay, it's okay," she assured him, and Cragen pushed his carbonated soda on her, saying,

"Drink, it'll settle your stomach,"

She took a few sips and her color slowly came back. "Thanks," she said quietly, and he smiled as he ordered another one.

When they finally stood up to leave, Cragen took the responsibility of calling cabs for his team. That's when Olivia stopped short and murmured, "I can't go home, can I?"

"We cleaned it all up for you, but…" Nick said quietly, and Rafael interrupted,

"I've got a spare guest room, Olivia, you're more than welcome at my condo."

"Thanks, Barba," she said with a smile, and they shared a cab home with Nick who lived relatively close to Rafael.

Nick left first, but not before making Olivia promise to call him in the morning so he could be sure she was okay. Barba rolled his eyes, earning himself a poke in the ribs by Olivia.

"He's just worried, Rafael," she scolded after Nick had shut the door of the taxi.

"I understand that," he retorted sarcastically, and now it was her turn to roll her eyes.

**And that's the end of chapter 9! (SPOILER ALERT IN THE NEXT FEW LINES I kept the verdict the same as it was in the show because I hated it, but realized it was the realistic option. Honestly, the way the trial went, that's the only verdict they could realistically have, but it was the one that would keep him in jail forever (well, we'd think that wouldn't we?). So although I hated it, that's why I kept it.)**

**Anyways, I really hope you liked this latest update, and I promise to put up the next chapter pretty soon. It's going to have a quiet night at home for Barson, and then the argument about going back to work. They find themselves in a pretty awesome compromise, one that I think Olivia completely deserves on the show. So thanks for reading and I'll update soon!**

**PS: I'm still debating on the whole 'Rafael singing' thing, because I know it's not really in his character but I have this vision for a future chapter where he sings karaoke with Olivia? What do you guys think about that? Let me know if you have any other ideas about incorporating him singing (and if you haven't heard Raul Esparza sing, please look up him singing 'Hallelujah' or 'Being Alive', both of those pieces are beautiful and even more so when he sings them 333**


	10. Know You Better

**Yay for chapter 10 finally being posted! Like I said, it'll start out with Barson spending a quiet night together at home, until nightmares break the silence. And then Liv wants to go back to work, but Rafael hammers out a compromise, a very awesome compromise actually.**

**And I will be incorporating Amaro's One-Eighty, I will be incorporating all the episodes of season 15 but since this is the end of the Lewis trial and still the beginning of the season (in this story), I've already disrupted the timeline of the real season so I'm going back to the second and third episodes of the season (not in this chapter but the next one) and working my way down from there, with a Barson twist instead of Bensidy. Wow that was a long sentence, sorry!  
**

**Enjoy!**

When they got to his condo, he linked his hand with hers and led her upstairs. "I'm gonna take a shower, okay?" Olivia said when they reached the bedroom, and he nodded. He hedged over popping some popcorn and pulling up one of Olivia's favorite movies, but wasn't sure if she would just want to go to bed.

In the end he decided to pop the popcorn and open a bottle of wine and two glasses. He perused the movies and chose 'Pretty Woman', one of Olivia's favorites.

He was waiting on the bed when she came out in his t-shirt, toweling her hair. She looked at him and the TV screen and a big smile spread across her face. 'That was the right choice' he said to himself as she crawled on the bed and kissed him.

"This is perfect. Thank you."

"You are ever so welcome," he replied gently, and after a few minutes they settled down to watch the movie. "PS I love the shirt."

Olivia threw her head back and laughed, snuggling closer to him.

When the credits rolled, Rafael glanced down at her and saw her sleeping peacefully. He carefully put the wine and rest of the popcorn away before shutting the TV off and wrapping his arms around Olivia as he too drifted off to sleep.

In the middle of the night he was jerked away as Olivia twisted and turned in her sleep, screaming that she wanted to live; that she'd do anything.

"Liv, sweetheart, it's okay, it's just a dream." Rafael chanted in a hurry, shaking her and trying to get her to wake up. Finally she bolted upright, her chest heaving and a sheen of sweat covering her face.

"R-Rafael," she said, trembling, and he pulled her into his arms.

"It's okay, you're safe, I've got you, he's behind bars, it's okay," he breathed into her ear, and slowly her tremors decreased until they stopped.

She slowly drifted back to sleep, and after a little while Rafael did the same.

The morning broke bright and early, and Rafael rolled out of bed, knowing he needed to go in to work. Olivia stirred at the same time, and Rafael said quietly, "Go back to sleep."

"No, I have to go to work," she breathed, sitting up.

Rafael's brows furrowed and he replied, "Like hell."

"Rafael I've been mending for the past three months, I'm good to go."

"At the risk of repeating myself, like hell," he reiterated, and then pointed his finger at her. "Don't make me call your captain."

"Then let me go in and talk to him about when I can go back, okay? I'm going to go stir crazy sitting here with nothing to do," she complained, and he narrowed his eyes at her. The idea of leaving her there by herself wasn't all that appealing to him either, and it dawned on him that it probably wasn't to her either.

"You know what? I've got an idea," he said suddenly, his eyes lighting up.

"What?" Olivia questioned suspiciously, and he grinned at her.

"I'm due for a vacation, and we both know Cragen's gonna make you take one, right?"

"Yes, and?"

"Why don't we go on vacation? One of my buddies owns a resort in Aruba, let's go!" Rafael said excitedly, sitting on the bed next to her.

She looked at him for a long moment and then grinned. "You know what? That sounds good to me."

"Yes! So, you stay here and put our itinerary together for our month down there, whatever you want to do I'm fine with. I'll put in my paperwork to take a few weeks off; I'll see how much time I can swing."

"Aruba you said?" Olivia said as she reached for his laptop.

"Yes, I'll email him and give him your phone number, you can chat with him and plan out everything."

"Sounds good to me," she said warmly, climbing out of bed and kissing him. "Have a good day at work dear." Olivia added with a hint of sarcasm, and Rafael chuckled.

"I'll see if I can get free for lunch; bring you some takeout."

"You do that," she said, blowing him a kiss as he walked out the door. He stopped there for a long moment and looked back, saying,

"If you need anything, just call me, okay?"

With a half-smile Olivia got to her feet again and walked over to him, slipping her arms around his waist. "I'll be fine, I promise. But I'll make sure I keep my phone and my gun on me, okay?"

"Good." Rafael said with a nod, leaning down and giving her one last lingering kiss before walking downstairs.

Olivia spent the rest of the day in contact with Rafael's friend, planning their vacation. Rafael called her later that day and said that he was cleared for an entire month off, after his hard work on the Lewis case, plus McCoy told him he deserved some extra time off and he added a slight smirk when he said that, so Rafael knew exactly what he meant. He was able to get time off for lunch and he brought some burgers for them to eat before he had to go back to work.

By the time he got home that night Olivia had their entire itinerary ready, and their flight was scheduled to leave the next night. It wasn't a very busy time for tourists, so it wasn't that hard to get a flight.

The next morning, Olivia walked into Cragen's office. "Olivia, you know what I'm gonna say." Cragen warned, and Olivia tried to argue.

"Captain, I've already had three months off to heal, I don't need anymore."

"Yes you do. 1PP wants you have at least two weeks off, and I want two more months."

"Months? Captain, you can't be serious," she said in surprise, and Cragen shook his head.

"You went through hell, Liv, please don't pretend you didn't."

"I'm not! Alright, fine…compromise," she conceded, and Cragen leaned forward.

"I'm listening."

"One month, starting today, and then I can come back."

Cragen looked at her critically, and then sighed. "Deal. One month. Starting today."

"Thank you, Captain," she said with a soft smile.

"You're welcome. Now get out of here before I make it starting tomorrow and still send you home today."

"Yes sir," she said with a mock salute, and he chuckled. She walked out into the bullpen and the team looked at her in surprise.

"Captain said you had two months off." Fin said in confusion, and Olivia smiled.

"I bargained with him and got it down to only one month."

"Are you sure? We all know you need the time, Olivia, we…" Nick said quietly, and Olivia shook her head.

"As I told Cragen, I've already had 3 months to heal. I'm good, Nick, I promise. I'm probably gonna take this month and go see Simon, he's my half-brother."

"How's he doing?" Munch questioned, and Olivia smiled.

"Good. He's only allowed to see his daughter in supervised setting for the next year, but the judge allowed him and Tracy to take their kids to Disney World because he's been on his best behavior, and I think I'll go with them."

"That's a great idea." Fin said approvingly, and Olivia smiled.

"Yeah, I think so too. So I will see all of you in a month, try not to fall apart without me," she teased with a wave, and Nick caught up to her.

"Hey, listen, if you wouldn't mind shooting me a text or something every few days, just so I know you're okay," he said under his breath, and she nodded with a soft smile.

"I can do that. And I give you permission to call me and bug me if I don't, okay?"

"Alright, I can do that," he said with a grin, and then all but pushed her out towards the door. "Now go, have a good time."

"I will," she promised, and once the elevator doors opened Rafael strode out.

"Detective, what're you doing here?" He questioned loudly, and she snickered.

"Just leaving, counselor, what about you?"

"Just came to give some information to the team," he said, and she followed him into the precinct. "All right people, listen up, I am finally coming onto some well-deserved time off, and I will be out of the office for a month. ADA Cox will be my temporary replacement, so be good." Rafael announced, and Nick shot back,

"Only temporary? Damn,"

"Amusing." Rafael said sarcastically, and he pulled his watch out.

"Hey Liv is taking a month off too, not by choice exactly, but maybe you should join her on her trip to Disney World." Munch called with a smirk on his face, and Rafael raised one eyebrow.

"As tempting as that sounds, I shall be spending my month in Aruba, sunning myself by the pool. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a plane to catch," he said, and as he was leaving Olivia called,

"Barba, wait a minute, let me catch a cab with you," she jogged after him, waving to her team. They entered the elevator together and shared a triumphant look between the two of them before he held his hand out and she slapped it.

"We make a good team, Benson," he murmured, and she chuckled.

"Hell yeah we do. I know I told you I wanted to tell them, but I know you aren't ready, so whenever you are, just know that I am too."

"I figured we'd hold off until McCoy figures out where he wants me to transfer to, my only request was that I stay close."

"Good," she said with a nod, and then they went back to Rafael's condo to pack. They swung by Olivia's place too so she could pack as well.

Rafael dropped his keys on the carpet and Olivia kept walking, so by the time he straightened up she already had her key in the lock and was walking into her apartment. "Liv I really wish you'd let me…" He called as he jogged down the hallway and stopped in the doorway.

**I'll admit I've been taking scenes from the show with Bensidy and turning it into Barson, just because I do like the scene, just with Barba, not Cassidy. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this latest update, and as I live in Michigan I really wish I could go along with Barson on their vacation.**

**I got the vacation idea from when Olivia was on the stand and Lewis was talking about her accrued vacation hours, and I figured she deserves a freaking vacation. The only reason I chose Aruba is because my aunt went there on vacation and told me how much she loved it.**

**So I hope you enjoyed this latest update and the next chapter will have a little bit about their vacation, but not a whole lot. I'm afraid that if I start writing about their vacation I will dive head-first into the pool of OOC (which I've already done in this story so I want to try to stay away from it this time). **

**Anyways, I will update as soon as I finish writing it. Thank you so much for reading!**

**PS: from here on out there will be some spoilers for the entire 15th season, I just want to warn anyone who hasn't seen the second or third episodes for the next chapter, which will have spoilers from both. Then we'll go from there and go through the whole 15th season!**

**And thank you for your feedback about Rafael singing, I've basically ruled it out except maybe when they're dancing close and he's whisper singing the lyrics to her, I feel like he would do that if it was a song that really meant a lot to him. And sorry for the long author's note here haha.**


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